Understand The Importance Of Communication
When beginning a long distance relationship, both partners should discuss how often they plan to communicate, beyond casual text messages. It is essential to reach an agreement when it comes to communication expectations, to avoid any conflicts later on. A communication schedule is helpful in this regard and can ensure both parties feel informed and connected. However, unexpected messages can be a nice surprise, too. To make the most out of the time available, it is recommended to plan longer conversations for when both partners are at their best. For example, if one partner is a night owl, it’s best to set up a call before or after dinner.
Preserving Independent Lifestyles
It’s natural to feel sadness or loneliness when a partner is far away, but it’s important to maintain separate lifestyles and to not feel entirely dependent. Sticking to regular routines and engaging in activities on one’s own is recommended. It is also beneficial to arrange for time with friends and family, rather than spending every free moment on the phone or computer. In addition, a partner may be worried when they don’t hear from their significant other for a long period of time, and it helps to let them know if plans change.
Keep To Meeting Times
Just as one would not stand for a local partner frequently missing in-person dates, long distance couples should also not accept this trait. Although the physical distance can make a relationship seem more casual, it’s still important to prioritize the partner and make an effort to connect, as with a local relationship. If a partner cannot be present at an expected time, they should let the other know and reschedule if possible.
Mixing Up Communication Styles
To make sure a long distance relationship is strong, partners should vary the communication methods they use. Using programs like Snapchat and Facebook Messenger to share photos and videos, and texting here and there, can be helpful to feel closer to each other. Furthermore, sending physical mail such as packages or letters can bring a nice surprise, as well as starting a joint journal or scrapbook with notes, mementos and pictures.
Making The Most Of Communication
When it’s not often possible to talk with the partner, it’s wise to make the most out of the time it is available. Writing down thoughts or questions when they pop up can be helpful to remember them when it’s time to chat. Additionally, it’s important to communicate any issues or stressors, to share experiences and for each to be aware of how the other is feeling.
Don't Overlook The Ordinary
Although physical distance can make it difficult for two people to feel close, a lack of minor details can cause people to feel farther away emotionally. Initially, you might be tempted to focus on deep or meaningful discussions because you want your time together to count. However, do not forget to include seemingly trivial or boring information. By sharing the same type of mundane things you would probably say to a partner you saw every day – such as what you ate for lunch, details about your neighbors, or how you stepped in cat vomit on the bathroom floor – you can keep a stronger emotional connection with your significant other.
Keep Up With Intimacy
Intimacy is another issue couples in long-distance relationships will typically face. If you and your significant other enjoy a physical relationship, then times apart can be difficult. Fortunately, there are still several ways for two people to remain intimate even when apart. Sharing sexy pictures, phone sex, video chat, mutual masturbation, and sending erotic emails, letters, or texts are all great options. When discussing these matters, be sure to share your boundaries and comfort levels so that no one is taken aback. It is okay to be shy at first, but remember that sharing awkward moments will help foster greater closeness.
Exchange Physical Reminders
Your partner's belongings can carry a lot of meaning, especially in LDRs. Something as simple as their toothbrush in the bathroom, a jar of their favorite jam in the refrigerator, or the scent of their shampoo on the bed pillows can remind you of them and make the time apart feel much shorter. The next time you see each other, consider leaving some of your belongings or purchasing a favorite item to keep even when away from each other.
Make Time Together When Possible
Time and money can be two limiting factors for couples struggling with distance, making it difficult to visit one another as often as desired. Planning ahead of time can help you save on plane tickets, but don't forget that there are other methods of transportation such as trains or ride-shares. If you and your partner want to try something new, you could both meet in a midpoint city and explore together.
Activities To Do
When you walk into a store and hear two people debating over what to make for dinner, it can be hard to not feel a little jealous that you cannot do the same with your partner. Fortunately, modern technology means that physical distance does not have to mean you can't do things together. You just need to find different ways to get creative.
Enjoying Movies Long-Distance
Thanks to the emergence of streaming services, it is now possible for partners to watch films or TV shows from opposite sides of the globe. To ensure consistent synchronization of the movies, start the movie at the same exact moment. If you have webcams available, one of the partners can be on webcam while the other starts the movie, however this could potentially lead to difficulty with seeing or hearing the movie clearly (though this might not matter if you’ve seen it multiple times before, such as "Goodfellas").
To make the movie watching experience even more enjoyable, you could talk or video chat while you both watch the movie. This situation might take a bit of getting used to, however soon the two of you might find yourselves feeling like you’re right in the room with each other.
Finding Some Mutual Hobbies
Hobbies are perfect for honing skills, leisurely passing the time, and even relaxation. If you and your partner have some extra time to spare and want to do something productive together, why not try finding a joint activity to do?
When opting for a hobby together, try and pick something you can do from home; this will make it easier to carry out conversations while taking part in the activity. Here are some suggestions for new hobbies to take up:
Knitting
Wood- Working
Drawing or Painting
Baking or Cooking
Doing Yoga
Learning a Language
These hobbies are designed for both of you to enjoy. Perhaps one of you can practice playing the guitar while the other can work on his/her sketching, as if you both were in the same room.
Taking a Stroll
Phone calls or video chats while simultaneously going out for a walk is an excellent way to keep connected. It doesn’t matter if it’s to a familiar spot or somewhere new; the two of you can share the experiences of what you’re seeing. The picture taking option is also a great way to make these moments more tangible.
If it fits the bill, you could both take a walk at the same time and share the same activity. Doing this helps foster a stronger sense of relationship. Just make sure to stay safe, as video chatting and walking at the same time might not be the most advisable activity. If you are going to video chat, try and find a quiet spot in a park or elsewhere to enjoy a brief call.
Completing a Culinary Task
If you both appreciate cooking or are somewhat comfortable with the culinary arts, a great way to keep the fire alive is to make recipes together long distance. You can make the same dish and see if yours look the same! It is important to keep phones, laptops, and other electronic devices a safe distance away from food or beverages.
Connecting with Family and Friends
It can be a great way to hold on to each other's presence even during the times of physical distance, if you and your partner used to go to each other’s friends and family gatherings, holidays, or other special events; it is possible to “invite” them virtually via video chats.
Continuing to share such occasions or even regular hangouts helps maintain a sense of closeness between the two of you. It could also be beneficial in keeping in contact with family and friends that you might not get to see as often. If one partner is living in a new city and is alone with no loved ones around, such virtual socializing is especially important. Make sure the other people that will be joining the virtual chat know that a digital guest will be joining.
Organizing a romantic event
It can be difficult to plan a date in person, but that doesn't mean you can't set a romantic atmosphere right at home. Why not put on some music, pour a glass of wine (or something else you both like) and enjoy the evening together?
Making your night special can start with getting dressed up, lighting some candles, and creating a meal you both like. And to give your date night the perfect finish, take a candlelit bath together, chat with each other and let your conversation become intimate. Intimacy is essential in any relationship, and it can be expressed even if you can't be physically close.
Having an enjoyable time with chores
Nobody loves to do chores, and it isn't any more pleasant if you have to do everything alone. But it's much more fun to do housework with your partner, even if you're communicating from a distance. Even tasks like washing dishes, doing the laundry, or cleaning the toilet are more endurable if you can talk and laugh together while doing them.
It obviously wouldn't work for all types of chores, like cleaning drains or taking out the trash. But it's definitely possible to add a romantic touch to cleaning the fridge or folding the laundry - the latter of which can even be done together, with one of you watching while the other one works.
Things To Avoid
Every couple is different, and not all of the advice given here will work in every situation. But there are a few things that should be avoided in every long distance relationship.
Checking up on your partner
In any relationship, trust and respect for one another's boundaries are extremely important - but even more so if you can't verify what the other one is actually doing.
It's natural to start worrying when your partner's behaviour seems strange - if they miss a goodnight call, talk a lot about new people, or generally seem less responsive. Instead of letting your worries get the better of you, remember to always communicate - and resist the urge to ask for evidence or pictures that prove where they are or what they're doing.
Treating get-togethers like a holiday
If you only get to see each other sometimes, it's easy to feel the need to make every meeting extraordinary. It's completely understandable, especially because it's often the only time you can be physically close.
But it's best to avoid treating every reunion like a holiday. This way, you'll get to know each other even better and understand how life works when you're apart.
Holding back your innermost emotions
If you are someone who prefers to talk about tough emotions or sentiments with somebody in person, it can be hard to open up with a partner those who are far away. Even though it may be difficult to have these conversations, overlooking these talks for a long time can eventually lead to some problems.
Scott Cubberly MSW, LCSW says: “Being both comfortable and eager to open up about complicated matters or feelings is extremely significant. A lot of individuals are likely to keep away from these types of conversations as they fear that it may upsurge trouble or anxiety.”
The lack of facial expressions or body language can also make it easier for misinterpretations to happen and for the wrong message to be sent. Despite all the difficulties, it’s still important to be comfortable talking about your thoughts transparently to your partner. Do not keep hidden your feelings or be untruthful to them, this won’t be helpful in the end.
Troubleshooting Common Issues
Every relationship is bound to come across certain obstacles, but in a relationship that is long distance, it might be a bit tougher. Here are some of the main issues and tips on how to address them.
Don’t Forget The Little Daily Moments
When you see each other in person, take the time to appreciate the little things that you take for granted when you are together, such as:
preparing breakfast for each other
assisting each other with chores
falling asleep together in front of the television
This kind of silent closeness can help you feel more connected than just going from one activity to another.
Different Relationship Expectations
As the relationship evolves, the goals may shift, yet it is beneficial to talk about what you anticipate for the relationship at the beginning.
According to Shannon Batts LMFT: “It’s essential that your expectations align. Are you just having fun with no commitments in sight or do you hope that this grows into something serious, maybe even marriage? These are the conversations that should happen early on.”
She advises to keep the conversation going, this way you can be sure that you and the other person are on the same page on where the relationship is heading. Don’t be scared to go back to the initial expectations if it doesn’t feel right anymore.
Trust Issues
It’s almost impossible to expect an instant response to a message, phone call or whatever it might be. On the other hand, when you do get the response, they might appear to be unfocused or uninterested. If this gets to be a regular thing, it is normal to feel a bit suspicious, especially when you know they are spending a lot of time with other friends.
These kinds of feelings are quite common, but it’s very important to discuss them. Scott Cubberly explains that trust is critical. “How quick they are to answer and their openness and honesty can build a strong trust. If they don’t give a quick response, this is when bad thoughts start to appear.”
Pay attention to how they act when you bring up these issues. Are they open minded without any defensiveness? Can they show empathy for your worries?
One Partner Puts More Effort Into The Relationship
It is really not preferable for one single person to be responsible for the entire relationship. Even if one of you is very busy, it is still important for both of you to make an effort to keep the relationship alive.
If you have the feeling that you are the only one who is planning visits, initiating conversations and doing the unexpected things, it’s likely that you will feel disappointed in the end. The key to this problem is to communicate better. If one of you is extremely busy or has a lot of stress, openly talking about what would work better can relieve some of the pressure and make sure that you both feel secure.
Lacking A Common Life
The vast space between you and your significant other can lead to the impression that you both are living two totally different lives, in spite of the fact that you are emotionally devoted to each other.
“Being in a long-distance relationship can cause unique issues surrounding the feeling that you share a life together”, said Cheatham. “It's simple to assume that you know what is going on in your partner's life – such as their work, buddies, and daily activities.
To combat this gap, keep each other informed about your daily lives. Talk about what happened on your journey to work, share experiences with colleagues, update each other on what your friends are up to, tell each other about your latest hiking trip, or even discuss what you have planned for dinner tonight. Posting pictures of friends and pets, or of things in your home can be beneficial as well, to help reduce the emotional gap.
“Even though you’re in different locations,” he added, “there should always be a sense that you’re in each other’s minds and hearts.”
Avoiding Conflict
Most people generally dislike fighting, particularly in a relationship. If you don’t get to see your partner as much as you would like, you could be more hesitant to start an argument, and try to make every call or visit comfortable.
Due to being in a long-distance relationship it's common to clash less naturally. Disagreements over daily chores wouldn’t be able to occur, for example. But if you do not agree on something, it's important to tell them, notably if it involves personal values or something that you both are passionate about.
Even though having opposing views can lead to a fight, it can also help you realise that the relationship might not be the best fit in the long run. Don’t shy away from speaking out on hot topics, even if you think you might not agree.
Ignoring disagreements or trying to make the relationship look perfect and avoid fighting can veil any incompatibilities between you and your partner, or could keep each of you from developing as part of the couple.
These tips can help you manage combat fruitfully.
Financial Expectations
If you’d like to meet up with each other often, you may have to devote a good amount of time and money for these visits. The costs can accumulate quickly, even if you take turns taking time off work and covering the travel expenses.
Cheatham encourages people to look into all the practical aspects when entering a long-distance relationship. "I don’t think these obstacles have to be a deal-breaker, but they can foster resentment if they are not expected", he said.
Financial matters can be hard to talk about, but it is wise to chat through what you are hoping for regarding visits in the early stages of the relationship. If you know you will not be able to afford to go and see your partner more than once a month, it is better to tell them upfront rather than trying to stretch your budget.
FAQs about long-distance relationships
If you still have any remaining questions, find some answers below.
Are There Official Regulations To Abide By In A Long-distance Relationship?
The regulations of a long-distance relationship are up to the couple in question. It is essential to have open and honest conversations about what does and does not work for you both. A discussion should be had about the expectations for the relationship when apart and when together. Are you open to seeing and potentially dating other people in the interim, or are you looking for an exclusive relationship? Are there any agreements or caveats in regards to what is acceptable or not? These rules should be discussed and agreed upon before any further steps are taken.
The same goes for any relationship type. When it comes to a long-distance relationship specifically - there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Each couple is different, and it is up to you two to come up with a plan that works best for you both.
Do Long-Distance Relationships Have Lasting Power?
There are some factors that must be considered to determine if a long-distance relationship can stand the test of time. Your individual needs in a relationship are important to consider when making a decision like this. Your needs can change as you both develop and grow, so it is beneficial to discuss them openly and frankly. Ask yourself, is my partner willing to meet my needs, and am I willing to make the necessary sacrifices to meet theirs?
It is also important to remember that sometimes, long-distance relationships are meant to be a temporary solution to distance. If a long-term, long-distance relationship is not something both parties are looking for, it will be tougher to maintain in the long run. Ultimately, it all comes down to what you need out of a relationship and whether or not a long-distance relationship can provide those needs. If they cannot be met, it might be time to consider a different type of relationship.
What’s the Possibility of Long-Distance Relationships Faring Well?
Few studies have examined whether a long-distance relationship is likely to work out in the long-term, making it difficult to definitively answer this question.
In one online survey of 1,000 American adults who were either currently in or had been in a long-distance relationship, 58 percent labeled the relationship successful. However, it is important to note that the brand conducting the survey did not specify what they meant by this.
In 2006, a study of 335 students who had either already been in or were presently in a long-distance relationship revealed that half of the sample group reported that the relationship ended during the period of distance, while the other half stated that the relationship continued until they were able to reunite. From this group, it was discovered that a third of the relationships that withstood the gap in proximity broke up shortly after being together again.
More recent researchTrusted Source out of 2018 suggests that for couples who have to drive more than an hour away from each other to meet, the likelihood of them separating is higher than for those who live in close proximity to one another.
The data from these studies may appear discouraging, but effort can pay off in the end. Unfortunately, there are times when no amount of effort can make a relationship work, as some partnerships just don’t. However, it is often observed that when trust and respect, as well as open communication and honesty, are present, long-distance relationships have the potential to last.
At the end of the day, there is no need to assume that the distance will be the eventual downfall of the relationship. Even though it may take more energy to stay in touch from afar, there are ways that you can use to strengthen your bond and make things easier.
