Can you identify the love language(s) you possess? In his 1992 book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman brought the concept of love languages to the general public. Words of affirmation, quality time together, physical touch, acts of service, and material presents are the five main "love languages" that people speak. If you care about your relationships, you should give serious consideration to learning your "love language" and then using that knowledge to communicate with your partner.
Licensed clinical psychologist Juanita Guerra, PhD, explains, “Realizing one’s primary love language is an important part of who they are and how they expect to be treated.” Thus, it’s significant to be aware of the love languages of those around you, whether that be your S.O., family, friends, or colleagues.
What if your love language is gifts? Could it be that you picked up this language in childhood? According to licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?, it might. He says, “It’s possible a person learned this language in childhood or as a reaction to not getting gifts when they were younger.”
If giving and receiving presents is your favorite way of expressing and receiving love, it may mean that you find the most fulfillment when you’re able to offer something special to someone you care about. Guerra explains, “When someone’s primary love language is gift-giving, they express their love by presenting those they care about with presents that are personally selected for the recipient.”
Gift-givers typically make a habit of remembering special occasions, such as birthdays, and take extra attention to detail when it comes to presentation. Durvasula adds, “It’s often about the thoughtfulness of the gift and not the cost.” Indeed, it’s the thought that counts, even if a gift is something small, like a cup of coffee if someone has to work late.
Coming to a better understanding of your own love language can be a rewarding experience, as it enables you to appreciate and recognize the way you express and receive affection. Knowing and recognizing the love languages of those closest to you can also be beneficial. Ultimately, understanding and being mindful of the different love languages can be hugely helpful in connecting and deepening relationships.
Is It Feasible To Be Materialistic If You Have A Love Language For Gift-Giving?
According to Durvasula, it could mean that, but it could also mean that the person values the time and thought that someone invests in a present, or that they enjoy showing love by investing in the perfect gift. Furthermore, Guerra adds that it's very likely something people learn early in life because it's a part of who they are. "It implies that they received the message at some point in their childhood that giving a gift is an appropriate, important, and/or conspicuous way to demonstrate feelings and express that they love and appreciate somebody," she says. It could have come from people they care about or from observing family members doing the same.
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Guerra suggests that assuming someone with a love language of giving gifts is materialistic is a simple mistake based on an oversimplified perspective. "This is a regrettable belief held by many, and it is an overly simplistic and judgmental way of understanding this specific method of expressing one's love," she claims.
What Are The Tell-Tale Signs That Gift-Giving Is Someone’s Love Language?
Durvasula mentions a few indicators that gift-giving is someone's love language. These may include:
- Taking into account small hostess gifts, or gifts to emphasize minor special occasions.
- Recollecting to bring back presents from travels.
- Appreciating the importance of buying the right gift.
- Utilizing imagination when wrapping or packaging the gift.
- Participating in thoughtful activities like bringing two coffees or tea to someone in the afternoon.
- Taking pleasure in gift-oriented holidays such as Christmas and Hanukkah.
How Do I Accommodate Someone Whose Love Language Is Gift-Giving?
Guerra has several suggestions. "Paying attention to what they like and don't like is the best way to pander to someone whose love language is gift-giving," she says. "This will allow you to personalize gifts, whether you're providing an actual item or refusing to do something they don't like. It's all about the details and paying attention."
You should also make an effort to engage in their love language. "Offer them gifts and politely accept their gifts," Durvasula advises. "Determine how much time and effort they put into it and pay attention to what it is because it likely means they were listening to you and your needs."
It's important to remember that you don't have to buy new things all the time to please your loved one. However, when it comes to gift-giving occasions, it is critical to put forth your best effort.
